Have you ever felt like if you didn't get something done, no one else would? Or if you didn't handle it yourself, it wouldn't be done like you wanted it to be done? What about having the fear that what you tried to do wouldn't be as good or wouldn't prove that you're capable of doing and being something great? So it causes you to work even harder to get what you want to get done, since you feel it is in the Will of God, when it's really not!
This weekend was extremely mind blowing and powerful for me. I had an intimate moment with the Lord and He allowed me to release the burdens that I've placed on
myself. I got delivered from being plagued with wanting to be so independent, which in a sense kept me from God. In the same way, control came along with it. When you're trying to be sooo independent, that only means that YOU want to have control over YOUR life. When you have control over everything, you would assume that everything falls on you, and that if you fail, YOU are the one to blame, and that only meant that YOU have to work harder to succeed. I thought that if I wanted to be something or go somewhere, I had to plan for it MYSELF. If I wasn't going to get it done, then who else will, so I thought? I felt that if things weren't done my way, or the way that is familiar to me, then it was wrong or I would get a little irritated. Now I wasn't OCD or a crazy control freak. However, if God wouldn't have changed my heart this past weekend, it could have gotten worse. This control, later led me to manipulate others to get what I wanted. It's like, if something wasn't going my way, or if I wanted something, I would manipulate that person, just so that things go my way. This happened either by whining, or arguing, fighting, bickering, or just plain ol being annoying, eventually breaking that person to give me what I wanted. I also had lack of trust for any individual. With trying to be independent, I didn't trust anyone else to do a better job other than myself. Even if someone didn't do something in a way that was familiar to me.
For instance, if my Dad did something a certain way and I thought it was good, I would make my boyfriend suffer for what he didn't do that wasn't like my father. My father was the familiar, and my boyfriend was trying to do something totally different then I've experienced before, "the familiar" which made me "upset". He didn't do anything wrong, he just did the same thing but in his way of doing things, which should have made it even better.
What does that sound like? Control.
And on top of that,! this control and me trying to be independent hindered me and boyfriend's relationship. I would basically do what he wanted to do for me,
myself! (Does that make sense? lol) I didn't give him an opportunity to be a gentlemen to me, which I wasn't even used to. In other words, he would try to open the door for me, but I opened the door for myself before he could even have the opportunity to do it. Or he would try to make a decision that was best for the both of us and I would get upset because I had already made up my mind on what I wanted to do. This sort of be-littled him and made him seem less-than a man that he was trying to be for me. He was trying to prove that he could be that man for me that would be able to provide and take care of me.
Now in a broader sense, how would this attitude be beneficial to a marriage? It wouldn't be, because God speaks about a woman being submissive to her husband and allowing the husband to serve her and treat her as God treats the church. And this attitude definitely shows no sign of submission! lol How silly was I?
I began to notice that in everything that I tried to do on my own, either failed, it didn't last long, wasn't prosperous, was put off, I got lazy, discouraged, exhausted, worn-out, tired, stressed, and suffered with anxiety.
I tried to rearrange, organize, and plan things on my own and then prayed about it and asked God to bless what I planned even if it wasn't in His will. I didn't invite the Lord into my plans until the plans were made and then tried to stamp His name on it, claiming that He would bless it and that He did it. This totally was a lie that I professed to myself.
But God is so faithful and so consistent that He waited for me to give everything to Him, through the trials that I allowed to manifest in my life He wanted to take away the load, and He did! He released me from the burdens that I tried and failed to carry on my own. At that point, which was my breaking point, I finally realized that
I can not control everything, I am not the creator and neither do I know the ending plot to my life, only God knows the beginning to the end, &if He can form and shape me into His image and likeness, then He can provide all of my needs. All we have to do is stand in position to be used by God, and know that He is in control of everything!
"Sometimes we idolize ourselves by being a god of our own lives especially when we don't give everything to God the Father! " When its not glorifying Him, it's glorifying you, when He isn't in it, it will never prosper the way it was meant to.
Sis, when you let go you receive freedom and allow God to do wonderful things in your life. Who wouldn't want a perfect God releasing perfection in your life and in everything you touch, He is the one that knows what is best for you, so give it to Him. With all the things going on in your life, He is the only one that is more than willing to do things for you. He is your Father, and your Creator, He knows the plans that He has for you, to prosper you. But you just have to trust Him, and stop trusting YOU, trust ultimately reveals your love for Him!
He wants to do the work for you, He wants to establish His plans through you, just TRUST HIM with all of your heart and don't lean on your own understanding, you don't have to try to be perfect or have everything perfect because we have a God who is already perfect, His plans are perfect, and His will is perfect! ♥✝
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